When love...

I like two word titles, ehen?

I read an update on a blog last night and it really saddened me. it reminded me again of harder times gone past. When love hurts, it hurts real bad. Two people have their paradigms meet in what appears to be a random act in time. Then, nothing is so random anymore... the short text to find out how you are doing, the quick call just to check on you... all that thoughtful and sacrificial giving. It's no more because it just happened, neither is it some crooked way of getting into your good books. It's simply because if that part of me does not touch that part of you, I would feel incomplete. Satisfied with all the good and precious gifts in my life, but wanting you like you were the crown on the top of my bejeweled head.

I have randomly discussed love and all the angles I have seen. At sometimes, it has been the object of my careful inquiry because of the many contradictions I have been. In love, or maybe not... Anyhoo, I have given up on trying to fight. But I have not relented in my escape. I will not come to you, even if it takes all the strength in me to refuse the urge. I do not care to think of what will do if you dare to come for me, again...? I fear you won't, so I will not hope or wait for what I do not perceive as reality. I think I loved you from the moment I set my eyes on you. Not that you were so comely or your looks divine. Something about you spoke loudly to me. And it marked me, since then. I love you so much; it hurts to think about it. Like a seeping sore, you invade every page, leaving your not too pleasant mark around, the mark of what I cannot have that daily haunts me. The knowledge of you is like a spell. Each time I am within range, I become your captive. Distance could not save me, help it may, but it appears I am forever a slave??

These crazy thought run through my mind when I think on you. Many more times than Paul, I have pleaded that this goes away. And much more times, He has said, My grace is sufficient for you...

So I want you, and my heart needs you to say you are mine. But you are not, neither do you yet belong to another. To wait is to rot in this hapless state of wonder. So, go I must. Far away from where you are, or where thoughts of you randomly seep through... my high defenses and my sensible shutters. Go away from me! Do not proposition me with you ingenious scams! I will not be taken again! I am not yours to have or keep!