7 Steps to ....

I wrote this a while ago, for fb. Just thot I shld share. Strictly for the laffs... and maybe a thot or two...


I noticed something a while ago. Well,not that I had not thought of it before, but it just struck me again. I hate to admit culpability, but it never ceases to amaze me how frantically we all seek for importance, recognition and all whats not. Even in the seeming mundanes. Okay, so whatbrought this on?

I was, basically minding my own business, snooping through my friends' profile pages (yeah, right! like you don't do that too!) and then then I noticed somethings occurred repeatedly. A subtle nag - "u don fashy me o!", "na so life be? u no even remember ur guy", " u! u promised to call/come to my house/hook up/hangout!!! how come u didnt show?", a nicely put complaint "been a while, my friend", a well, more direct hit "you!!! ... u can imagine the rest ... and the list goes on. Yeah, I know, man is a territorial being and we tend to want to monopolise what we think belongs to us. But to me, this silent pleas for recognition go far beyond marking territories. It all boils down to the fact that everyone would love to kow that someone cares/thinks about them/remembers them fondly/considers them a friend. And as @#$^%&@ as life is, it's not always so. So we all experience being forgotten once in a while by the people you think should love you, and then you pout. I got the remedy you need/are looking for!

Let's start with the nice ones
1. Be a friend
Simple. If you want to have plenty of folks remember you, then remember them. Its easy to always expect to be on the recieving end. Well, if we all cued up behind you, nobody'll be getting nothing! So give a little, and then maybe a trickle will come back to you.

2. Be an accountant
Let me explain myself. This has nothing to do with the fact that accountants handle kudi (howbeit on paper) or that they are innately selfish (oops!). Not at all. You see there is a basic accounting (financial analysis) principle that says in analysing any givensituation, identify the worst and the best case scenario and then make your plans based on the worst case scenario. Reason? Simple. Its the worst that could possibly happen and so you are prepared for it. How does this apply? Do not expect too much from people youu know so little about. Yes, you think he/she is a friend. Yes, you enjoy a couple of laughs. So what? Wait until youu get that connection that makes you a soul broher/sista and then levy hard on then. Afterall, that's what friends are for, right? yeah, right!

3. Get your Algebra and arithmetic in right perspective.
You see, we all have this tendency to want to grab all we can and can all we have. Shortfall is usually not a pretty picture. So, if you expect to get 10 megafriend watts in return, you give 1000. That way you are sure of your returns (10) when you need it. That is algebra. Now, when you give in deficit of say, 100 megafriend watts of energy, expect to lose about 10,000 that you have in store (I think that's some algebra too) except of course you can leverage on track record, human kindness and all those other things that money can't buy. Bottom line, don't always expect t get what you give, and be sure to expect to get back what you have given. Makes sense shey?

4. When you give, demand!
I realised, quite painfully too, that life gives you, not what you ask for, but what you take from it by force. I would hate to sound so, but even with friends, you got toplace demands.What is friendship, afterall if its not tested. Besides, your friends could get the impression that thier help is not reallly needed if you cannot ask well and hard enough. "If no be say na you..." Sound familiar? ell, if you've said that too often, it's time you made some folks say it right back to you.That's what friends are for! Caeat: if by any chance, this does not yield the desired result, promptly abort plan to prevent being called a whiner, whinny ninny, grabber, domineering, inconsiderate or selfish person.

5. Love yourself
I really would have loved to say "nooooo... love your friends, not yourself" But that don't work in this part of the universe. All that selfless crap they sell in all 'em movies don't work here. Yes, do good toyour neighbour. Yes, live for a higher call. Yes, look for the overall good... But for pete's sake, love your self while you are at it! Cos those who you call your friends are the ones who love the things you love, hate the things you hate. So if you find you not showing you enough love, no matter how selfless you heart is, you aint getting none! So, pleasase, put yourself first. Love you. Then you can love another. I mean, if you can't stand you who you are stuck with, how much more me that you can do without. Honestly, everyone admires a little conciet (not just too much) We now call it self confidence! Ha! I'm sure you get the message.

6. Be selfless
What can i say? Always be ready to lay down your life for you friends. That is all I have to say on this matter

7. Finally
Not cos I have run out of simple ways to become Mr./Miss/Mrs. Pompular, but cos, its imperative that I stop here lest I bore you. "sides, 7 is the number of perfection??? Yes, so finally, keep it siple. You are not Obama, neither are you Mandela. So YOU DO NOT NEED A TEEMING POPULATION OF FANS TOO FEEL IMPORTANT! Curb you excesses and find value in the handfull of names that you know will stick closer than a brother/sister in the time of need. Yes, keep all 'em fans, but puullleeeesssee, keep them as fans. A smart person knows who his/her real friends are. That way, when you are gropping in the dark of unpreparedness (whatever!), uncertainties and all those things life throws at you from its back pocket, you'd be sure what will grab your sweaty palms will be the firm grip of a known and trusted friend, and not the flaying hands of an acquintance, or worst still, the sharp sting of a patient foe.

I really, really gottogo now!